These are alllllll too funny for me! Number 13 is my life! HA! Whenever we are in public I always remind my husband that if ever someone starts yelling at me for feeding our child, he is to pull out his phone and start recording! Hahahaha
Originally published on BUZZFEED Family
1. So you’ve given birth and you’re thinking the hard part is over, right?
LOL. This is your first, isn’t it?
2. And then someone mentions that it’s time to try breastfeeding.
Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s a nurse. Maybe it’s your nosy mother-in-law who you’re pretty sure just wants to get a look at your rack. Either way, this is happening.
3. For some moms, it’s the most natural feeling in the world, a fresh baby suckling.
4. But you’re not a cow. You don’t have teats. You have breasts that until this moment were strictly recreational/decorative.
5. Hopefully you’re one of the lucky ones — the nurse shows you the torpedo hold and you’re on your way.
Yes, the torpedo hold is what it sounds like. Stranger grabs your boob — aim and FIRE!
6. Sure, your baby’s latch feels like the fire of a thousand suns. But for the most part, you’ve kind of got this. Sort of.
At least you’re slightly less creeped out by the idea than you were before you gave birth.
7. Of course, it’s also possible that your nipples are inverted.
It’s like your baby’s very first game of whack-a-mole.
8. Or that your baby can’t open their mouth wide enough to take your nipple.
Weirdly, they can open wide enough to scream bloody murder in the middle of the night.
9. Maybe your child has a tongue made of sandpaper…
It’s also possible that that’s just how your raw nipples are interpreting the feeling.
10. Either way, you’ll have a few days to practice that latch before your milk comes in.
Surprise! You go to bed with your rack, you wake up with Kate Upton’s. (But if you squeeze them like that, milk will go EVERYWHERE.)
11. Actually there’s a good chance you’re going to be completely covered in your own fluids at some point.
12. But you’re a pro now, right? You’re totally ready to take your skills on the road.
Oh, did you think you would be able to work your life around your baby’s feeding schedule? Kids teach us so much.
13. Hopefully you’re not shy! Unless you’re fond of public restroom stalls, strangers will stare at you.
Some folks might even snap your photo and post it on the internet in an attempt to shame you, because y’know…they’ve been offended and they want to share the love.
14. Got a clot? Hope you like string cheese!
Or popping zits x 100000000. Either way, you’re in for a treat!
15. And there will be sweat. Holy hell will there be sweat.
Seriously, buy stock in deodorant.
But above all else, remember: You got this!
Breastfeeding can be hard…Click here for “Booby Traps“!