I needed to read this. Sometimes as a mom I tend to feel like I just don’t have enough in common any more with my non-mom friends, but I need to push through because they are worth it.
I love that this is written by a non-mom because it means that she knowsssss what she is talking about! ha!
by Aubrey Rissler | Staff Writer for The Snap Mom
You’re a new mom. Or a tried-and-true mom a few times over with a newborn gurgling little baby noises in your arms. You’ve just gone through one of, if not the most, intense moments of your life. First of all, and most importantly, congratulations! You did it! I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I saw my sister give birth once. That’s some terrifying stuff that woman have to go through. Yet, instead of being afraid, I see mothers who are strong and brave and connected to this blessing.
I can only imagine the inner dialogue as you’re looking down at that beautiful face watching him or her sleep… “Oh wait, did she just burp? Or was that a gurgling sound? Is she breathing okay? Yes. She’s breathing. What beautiful eyes she has. Is that a bump on her cheek? Did she get bit?” And on and on… I understand your feelings are a wild vortex mixed one part adoration, one part concern. It’s okay.
It reminds me of the Sex In The City episode where Miranda becomes a mom. As Carrie tries to have a conversation with her she zones out and completely fixates on her baby. When Carrie gets up to leave, she comforts Miranda by saying, “It’s okay. You’re a mom.” Miranda shoots back, “Please don’t tell anyone.”
I’m sure time is spent nostalgic for your old, pre-mom life and reckless abandonment for the things you had because of this life. Just know a couple things your not-yet “mommy” friends want you to hear: We love you! We want to be involved when and how we can! We don’t want you to forget who you were (our friend).
Here are five ways you can make sure to keep the relationship alive:
1. Give Them A Ring
Just pick up the phone. I know it feels like you don’t have time to brush your teeth, but seriously, use 10 minutes (or 3) and call. You have no idea what that will mean to them, and you have no idea how badly you will need them once you reach that first birthday party milestone, or you’re stuck in bed sick.
2. Invite Them In Your World
Share with them the big things happening. Not just in baby’s life, but yours as well. Then, ask them about their lives, and do your best to listen!
3. Don’t Shame Their Help
We don’t have the same experience as you as mom. If we are trying to help, hold baby, whatever, don’t tell us everything we are doing wrong. Take a deep breath, and (unless it is life threatening) don’t stop us. We are trying to create our own little relationship with these tiny people.
4. Need Help? Ask.
Maybe babysitting isn’t what your friends are comfortable doing. The laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. still needs to be done. If you don’t have the support of family, then be vulnerable. Ask for help from a good friend! Just make sure to treat them to a coffee or tea afterwards so they don’t feel like the maid service.
5. Carve Out Time
Do the 10-minute coffee date. Make dinner plans a month in advance. Whatever it takes to make sure that you still carry on adult relationships- do it! It doesn’t have to be “away from baby”. Put baby in a stroller and go on a walk with friends to talk.
And to the non-mom friends, give your mom-friends some time. Even if your old girl-pal finds it too hard to break away that first year, they still love you, too. Just don’t forget- they love you. And if they mean something to you, then their friendship is worth cultivating.
Aubrey Rissler is a part-time writer and full-time nanny. She graduated from the University of South Florida with a magazine journalism degree. She is passionate about travel, health, and yoga.