My Husband Asked Me: Are You Over Being a Mom?
by Whitney J
This next blog is super transparent and personal, so bear with me…
A few weeks ago was the toughest season in my journey of motherhood thus far. Maybe you know this kind of season? The whiney, changing kid kind of time that just pushes you to your limit?! My sweet Sofia (almost two) went from being a sweet and easy baby to, well, an almost-2-year-old, and my 3-year-old just plain went crazy. What had been working up until this point just NO LONGER WAS! They didn’t want the same foods they normally eat, they were no longer interested in the same books, and they started attacking each other like wild banshies! Ahhhhhhhh! On top of that, two weekends in a row I ended up leaving church with them chasing me and screaming at me… all the way through our church’s massive foyer and out to our car. HOW EMBARRASSING! I had the thought that I might just never leave the house with them… ever. again.
Then, something startling happened. I remember the moment so clearly. On our drive back from a hectic vacation, our little family of four was in our red (uncool) minivan. Both girls were whining, I was visibly upset, and my husband turned to me and asked “Are you over being a mom?” I just burst into tears…
1. I was so upset he would ask me something like that in a time of craziness
2. I was hurt that clearly my actions/behavior had made him think that
3. I had to ask myself if I was, indeed, “over” being a mom.
To my surprise, the answer was yes. In that moment – I was over it! It was too overwhelming. Too hard to navigate. Just plain too much. I felt like I didn’t have the correct tools for this season. I felt defeated. I waved my white flag of surrender.
I didn’t stay in a place of defeat for long, but it felt great to acknowledge that yes, I am human. I myself have limits. I don’t have to have all the answers all the time. It was freeing for me to recognize that there was a problem, and it motivated me to take steps to move beyond that feeling of surrender.
Here is how I defeated that horrible feeling. Maybe these ideas can help another momma out there who would secretly answer that question the same as I did – even if the “I am over it” feeling is fleeting…
1. I called my own “mommy”
Find someone in your life that has gone through your current season of life already. Maybe it’s an aunt or an older co-worker, your mom or a friend – someone you trust and admire. Whomever it is, be honest with them about the season you are in and ask them what they would do. My mother helped me to further identify the areas in my life that needed work which helped me create a plan of attack.
I called Krystle and told her we needed to have a girl day. I specifically wanted to do something that I never get to do without my kids, so we went to the pool and the beach, and boy did that fill me up.
3. Get out the baby books
I realized that I needed to reminisce… to remember how far we have come. How far I have come in this amazingly tough and rewarding journey. I needed to feel thankful for my children again.
4. Move forward
Don’t stay stagnant. While I let myself feel and understand that yes, this season sucks and I am not having a fun time of it, I also did what I needed to do to grow and move on from such a tough and challenging season.
I am happy to report that we are over the hurdle and life is so much better! I am back in love with being a mother. I feel reenergized to take on whatever this next season may have. I hope that my honesty encouraged you. Thank you for journeying with me.