Selfish or Selfless: A Down Syndrome Mother

Once again I am moved to tears by Tatum! She amazes me. Enjoy…


by Tatum Spruill | Staff Writer for The Snap Mom

I am a proud Down Syndrome Advocate. It’s only fitting seeing that I have a 7-month-old son that is blessed with an extra chromosome. His prenatal diagnosis was shocking to my husband and I since at the time we were both 23 years old. I was asked several times if I wanted to terminate but I am completely against that. I am pro-life, and I think that every child should be given a chance, no matter the diagnosis or health condition.

Tatum 3A few months ago, I came across a woman online who had just had her 20-week ultrasound. Her doctor saw a few physical signs that showed the baby could have Down Syndrome. This woman was overwhelmed and voiced that this was not a journey she wanted to take. I reached out to her and told her about my son, Jansen, and to remember that there are people out there who would adopt her baby. She responded with a very hateful message, and I could tell her mind was made up.

I try not to let every negative thing I hear bother me, but something she said has been hard to forget: she told me I was selfish for bringing my son into this world.

Selfish? My life is dedicated to being a mother. My son requires a lot of care and attention. I am a stay-at-home mom, but I have a daughter in daycare so that she can have a stable routine. My son has six regular doctors, and he gets weekly therapy. On a monthly basis, he has at least 15 appointments. My husband regularly works at least 70 hours a week. He has to sacrifice time at home so that he can provide. It makes it hard to find the time to do the simplest things like take a shower.

For the last five months, I have spent every night sleeping on a twin bed in my son’s room so that I can hear the monitors he is required to wear. In the past, my hair was fixed every day, my face having makeup was a requirement, and I always had the latest fashion trends. Now my every day outfit is a t-shirt and yoga pants, I rarely wear makeup, and I’m lucky if I remember to brush my teeth. My life has changed dramatically. I am not looking for sympathy or a pat on the back, but how dare anyone call me selfish. You are selfish. Your baby is not an inconvenience and deserves to have a family that will love her. You are blatantly judging me while telling me I shouldn’t judge you. You have carried a baby to the halfway mark and decided you wanted to get rid of her.

For the rest of my life, I will care for my son. He won’t move out on his own, get married and have kids. My husband and I won’t retire and travel the U.S. in an RV. We will always have our son to take care of. I knew all of this from the beginning, and I kept him anyway. Tell me again how I am selfish…


Tatum is a wife and mother who lives in a small town in Texas. She is blessed to be a stay at home mom and to feed her passion for spreading Down Syndrome Awareness through writing.