Sex after kids! Yep. We just went there. Is there anything more difficult to navigate??? I say no. I asked Chanelle to write this article because I knew it would be the right amount of sexy and funny! I not only picked up some pointers for later on (winky face), I also laughed the whole way through reading this article and I know you will too.
Sex: Unsnap After Kids
By Chanelle HendersonSEX! (Got your attention?)
So picture this: you and your honey have the lights dimmed, candles lit, and Barry Manilow in the background. Things are just heating up under the covers when ALL OF A SUDDEN TWO LITTLE EYES ARE STARING AT YOU FROM THE END OF THE BED!
“Mama? I’m thirsty!”
HOW DID YOU GET THERE, YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE NINJA WARRIOR WITH INSATIABLE THIRST?!
Frantic rustling ensues as you try to fish out your moo-moo nightie with your big toe (that is now shoved far down under the sheets.) He plays it off all smooth like he was reading a magazine the whole time. Or flossing or something.
And the mood is dead.
I’m not gonna lie, things get challenging between the sheets when kids are around. Add in co-sleeping, and you might as well close up shop. That’s a wrap, folks.
NOT!!!!Snap Mom to the rescue! We’ve got a bunch of tips to keep it spicy in (and out!) of the bedroom. You and your partner will thank us.
Ditch the Moo-Moo.
One sure-fire way to douse the flame is to hold on to that ratty t-shirt covered in milk stains that you’ve been wearing for two weeks straight. Remind yourself and your love that you are still the sex bombshell you are. Take a shower, put on some lingerie, and for goodness sakes, SHAVE YOUR LEGS!
Talk about it.
Many women find post-baby sex to be a lot of pressure. After pregnancy, your body is different, you as a couple are different, your boobs are like a firehose (or hard as boulders!).
Also, let’s face it: birth ain’t pretty. Watching your “miracle” explode out of your vagina can do a number on any guy’s sex drive. (Just sayin’). Further, it is well-understood that just as women’s hormones fluctuate post-baby, men go through a low tide testosterone right after baby comes.
It can be very helpful to talk about sex without the pressure to have it. Have a conversation about what you like: good positions, favorite turn-ons, what you find sexy about the other person. It can be a real turn-on in and of itself, and can help foster a deeper sense of intimacy. That way, when it comes time to do the deed, there’s not as much pressure.
Here’s what one Snap Mom said:
“Communication has always been KEY for us. I know that is harder for some people than others, but I definitely would encourage any and all to try openly communicating about sex – outside of the bed.”
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. (And again. And again.)
After that 6 week grace period where your body is trying to Lego itself back together, it can be really hard to “get back on that horse” (*Snort. Pun intended.*) Many women can feel a lot of pressure to perform, depressing their mood, and reinforcing a vicious cycle. Be kind to yourself and your partner. Even if the sex isn’t great—practice makes perfect.
Like what these ladies stated:
“I found that I was putting pressure on myself to have “great sex”, which was killing my sex drive. Once I realized that and just kind of went with it, we were good to go.”
“A few months postpartum my sex drive went to zero. I wanted to want sex, but just couldn’t get there mentally. We still would because I knew I didn’t want us to go so long without it…. But what got us through the slump and brought my drive back was I challenged myself to have sex every night for a week. First night was like normal – not really there mentally for me, but the next night was way hotter and it just kept getting better–definitely got me wanting sex again! I know a lot of women struggle with a low drive postpartum – all those fluctuating hormones. And I know ‘challenging yourself’ to have sex doesn’t sound so sexy lol – but this is real life. Sometimes you just gotta get yourself back on that horse!”
Explore your Dwelling.
To put it mildly, sex can become a physical challenge with kids. (Times that by two if you are in the co-sleeping phase of life.) That being said, just because you are sharing your sleeping space does not mean you are no longer entitled to a little romance with the honey.
Get creative! There are PLENTY of other kid-free zones to get it on once the last Red Fish/Blue Fish has been laid to rest.
- The shower
- The closet
- The bathroom
- The couch
- The living room floor
- The guest bed
- The dryer
- The washer
- The dishwasher (?)
- The kitchen counter
- The kitchen table
- The CAR
- The backyard (keep it down, eh?!)
- The roof
- The basement
…you get the idea 😉
Tip # 5
Try different times of day
If you find that you and your love collapse with your kids in exhaustion and defeat at the end of the day, try finding intimate times earlier on when you are at your spunkiest!
Here’s some good advice:
“Putting a movie in for the kids works a lot for us! Surprise your man by coming out dressed up and attacking him! Or text him to hurry home and be waiting in bed if you can have a movie going or kids are sleeping. My hubby gets home at the end of my kids’ naptime so we usually have about 30 min until they get up.”
“Take advantage of any and all of your time. The more often you do that, the hotter your relationship will get. My kids go to bed at 8:00 at the very latest and my husband and I usually already have our evening planned out.”
“Between nap times. It gives us, like, twenty minutes!”
“Be flexible and up for anything at any time, or be very scheduled and make appointments on your calendar. Drop the kids off at the babysitter’s and don’t go to the movie or set up early bedtimes so any night can be Date-At-Home night. Build a special sleepover tent as a treat for the kids every Friday night or make a mobile Sexy Times kit to use outside the bedroom that is easy to set up and easy to clean up”
“Institute mandatory Sunday afternoon naps. The little ones sleep and you … don’t.”
“Set your alarm and sneak out of bed early. Find a quiet place to wake up together.”
Think outside of the box.
With crazy days and sleepless nights, it can be easy to get in a rut. Challenge yourselves to get creative, even if it’s not your “thing.” Who knows, you might just like it!
Try some of these on for size:
- Play strip poker
- Or strip Jenga
- Or strip Go Fish
- (Strip Risk might take too long.)
- Play Truth or Dare
- Let him take pictures of you all dressed up while you slowly strip for him.
- Experiment with food
- Experiment with toys
- Go all Tahitian Goddess and massage in that coconut oil. Every. Where.
- Light candles and set the mood with some slow dancing
- Send each other sexy pictures or texts throughout the day for “coming attractions”
- Wrap yourself in bows and surprise him as a “present”
- Role Play
- Stretch out your hammies and try a different position
You get the picture…
Tip # 7
Love your new self.
- I know we all know this one, but sometimes it does NOT go without saying. It helps to be reminded: be kind to your body.
- Take time to nourish yourself with good food. Make space to exercise, pray, meditate, be still, or feel a breeze.
- Surround yourself with people who make you feel beautiful. Look at those babies you birthed and feel EMPOWERED! Take time to rest and honor the woman that you are. There’s nothing sexier than confidence.
- One caveat: you can wear heels and lace, and smear on lipstick. You can pump iron, eat iron, or drape yourself in iron. Above all that, I believe this: that iron SHARPENS iron. Lean on the women around you, and spread the word about what true beauty is.
As Audrey would say,
“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”
You are more than just a mother. You are a woman, who wants good—no, GREAT– sex. And that’s just what you deserve!