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Why I Used a Surrogate - The Snap Mom

Why I Used a Surrogate

Some mothers have their children naturally, while some adopt. Still others become mothers through using a surrogate! Meet Lianne! She is a woman who used a surrogate and I got to interview her about why and about the process! So very interesting! Enjoy! 

 Give us the back story as to why you and your husband needed a surrogate…

About 11 years ago, my husband and I were so excited to start a family. When we found out we were pregnant with our son, Caden, we couldn’t have been happier. The excitement soon faded as I became very sick. I hadn’t known anyone that had been THIS sick, and the doctors didn’t have much experience either. I had Hyperemesis Gravedarium. My body basically fought against the pregnancy. Everything I ate or drank wouldn’t stay down. I spent everyday on the couch, and my husband would take me to the ER almost every week to get IV fluids for hydration. The best explanation is it was like having the stomach flu for 8 months straight.

My amazing husband took care of everything after working, and my mom helped take care of me during the day. My son was born in 2004, and in 2005, I became pregnant again. Maybe the second pregnancy was going to be different?  It wasn’t. I lost so much time with my older son. My mom came over during the day and took care of us. My daughter, Abrianna, was born in 2006.

In 2008, I became pregnant again. I knew this had to be the last time, but we really wanted another one. We ended up losing our daughter, Addyson, at 20 weeks. We know that God is faithful and was going to carry us through, but it was overwhelming to even think about getting pregnant again. I didn’t want my last experience in bearing children to be a loss of that magnitude. We wanted a 3rd, but I had just suffered through 4 months, and the thought of starting over was more than I could handle emotionally and mentally.

In 2010, I became pregnant with our son, Britton. This was the hardest pregnancy emotionally because I was nervous to lose him and felt it unfair that I was unable to care for my older children again. My husband and I knew that no matter what this needed to be the last time. My doctor advised me to be done as well, but we still dreamed of a 4th.

What were your feelings when you found out Kate was pregnant with your baby?

We were overjoyed when we found out Kate was pregnant with our baby girl! We didn’t feel deserving of this miracle, but we were so thankful for it. I, for once, was excited about the weeks ahead. I knew Kate was going to take much better care of this baby than my body had ever taken care of my other babies. (read Kate’s take on being a surrogate here)

Did you worry about not feeling connected to your baby?

I never worried about not feeling connected to the baby. I never felt that I bonded with any of my kids until they were born. When they were inside of me, I was just struggling to make it through each minute of each hour of each day. I never felt the excitement of being pregnant. All I wanted was for it to be over and them to be out. I already knew that my time for bonding would come when she was born, just like the others.

What was it like meeting your baby for the first time?

Meeting my Eliza for the first time was beyond amazing. (read Eliza’s birth story, from the surrogates perspective, here) I had never been the one at the head of the bed experiencing everything as my husband had. It was so cool! The moment carried so much emotion. Our dream of a 4th child had come true! The moment was also filled with a yearning to be able to thank my surrogate, Kate, but not knowing how to do it. How do you thank someone for a sacrifice such as that? I still don’t know. I just hope that she knows how extremely grateful we are.

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What is your relationship with your surrogate like now?

My relationship with my surrogate is like a sister bond. I would do just about anything to make sure she was happy. We e-mailed, texted, and talked through the whole IVF process and throughout the pregnancy. It was a daily thing. That creates a closeness that you can’t describe. We were always friends, but now we are sisters!

What advice do you have for the woman who is considering using a surrogate?

It is hard for me to give advice to women about using a surrogate because I feel my situation is so much different than most. I wasn’t someone that has tried to get pregnant for years or had been pregnant many times and lost them all. We were given the opportunity to grow our family one more time, and I really had peace that one try was all we were going to do, and if it didn’t happen then we were going to happy and content with the three we had. Of course, we are thrilled that it worked!