I write to you in the middle of my meltdown.
Not sleeping (I can thank my two little angels for this), being close to 30 weeks pregnant, and trying to balance 2 businesses and my family have done me in this week.
I raise my white flag of mommy surrender and sit in a puddle of exhausted tears. It all seems too overwhelming, and I can’t get the perspective I need to power through it like I normally do.
My darling children have used every ounce of attachment parenting energy that I have, and I literally spent all day yesterday completely mortified by them and out of ways to “connect” with them. Instead I was trying to just make it to bedtime. I know, I know, I knoooooow! “They are having a hard time and not giving me a hard time“… IT’S STILL REALLY FREAKING HARD EITHER WAY!
Now that my husband has taken the kids out, and I’m sitting here alone in peace (thank you, GOD), 4 things come to mind that I think all parents can benefit from:
When the ship is sinking (or you are just OVER IT ALL), it’s time to drop all the excess weight overboard. What in your life can be removed from your plate? I have a hard time knowing my capacity, and I just keep adding things to my to-do list until I literally am bogged down beyond belief. Cut the fat out of your life, and focus on what truly matters.
Ask For Help
We try to be supermoms, but if we are being honest with ourselves, everyone suffers when we spread ourselves too thin. Who in your life can you reach out to? What offers have you not taken up because you didn’t want “to bother” someone? You would be SHOCKED what an hour or two to yourself will do for your mental health.
Stop People Pleasing
This is similar to Simplify. We are so conscious of what other people think that we often forget how to say no. Did you sign up to do something that you know you have ZERO time for? Of course being available to help your friends, co-workers, etc., is important but you must create space for additional commitments before adding them to your plate. I’m hesitantly learning to say no. It’s sad that we feel so guilty for putting our families first, but if we serve the world and our family constantly suffers because of it, we are not teaching them healthy boundaries. So say it with me…”No.”
Value Your Time
My husband is always after me regarding my time management. If we want to truly balance our lives and find peace, we must create margin.
Margin is a spare amount or measure or degree allowed or given for contingencies (source).
If we do not allow room in our days for margin, we will never find balance. I am like a headless chicken. Every moment of my days is set in constant motion of do, and there must be more time to be. I love this quote: “I am a human being, not a human doing.” Don’t equate your self-worth with how well you do things in life. You aren’t what you do. “If you are what you do, then when you don’t…you aren’t.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer.
As moms, free time exists for cooking, cleaning and organizing, but as humans we NEED to just “be” once in a while.
Otherwise, you will find yourself like me, having an adult tantrum because I have spread myself too thin.