I was dying laughing by the end of this article! Nikki has a way with words and I love it! I have so been there. I literally made all of my friends in the mothers room at our new church after we moved. It was hard, but so worth it. Had I not stepped out of my comfort zone, I wouldn’t have met Krystle K! We met in the mothers room! Ha!
by Nikki Pennington | Staff Writer for The Snap Mom
We’ve all be there, that moment after becoming a mom, and suddenly all your friends without children slowly disappear. You find yourself longing for other mom friends that can relate to the day-to-day hectic life style. Suddenly, you feel like you are in high school all over again: where nightmares are made of making new friends and getting in a new social circle. I recall meeting my best friend in high school. It did not happen by chance, we often joke that I harassed her, called her non-stop, and invited myself over to her house. Well, I had my mom drop me off at her house when she didn’t answer. I don’t recommend that last tactic for meeting new mom friends.
Back then I was nervous about making new friends, but I didn’t allow it to stop me. Now as an adult and mom, I feel every bit as awkward. I never know what to say to a new mom in a play group or at the park, my mind goes blank. If it isn’t going blank, it’s filled with silly thoughts from, “what if she judges me for not making my baby food?” or, “what if she finds out I use regular diapers and not cloth??” or even worse, “what if she finds out I formula feed??” If there comes a point where I can push those insecurities to the side and talk to her, I find an entirely new set of fears such as “do I ask her for her number or is that weird?” or, “do we exchange emails instead?” Say you make it past that point, you exchanged numbers because you want to set up a play date. Now…when do you call her? You don’t want to make it seem as though you are free all the time. You don’t want her to think you are desperately in need of adult conversation and praying she will be your friend, even though that is secretly the case.
Ladies, it’s time we let go of our insecurities and realize we are all in the same boat, in search of the perfect mom friend that we just click with. I assure you she is out there right now feeling just as you and I feel. I have created a list of ways to help you meet and keep new mom friends.
Get out of the House.
I know, getting out of the house with two toddlers and newborn might not seem as appealing as getting out of the house did before children. Even if it’s just going for a walk around the neighborhood. A new mom friend could be right around the corner or only a few houses down.
Compliment her on her baby-wearing.
Something along the lines of “I love your Ergo” or “I love that pattern of your wrap.” My friends, those are the compliments that take you from strangers to best friends in a matter of minutes.
Compliment her children.
The fastest way to become my friend is to tell me how well behaved my children are when they are bouncing off the walls at a play group. This will tell me several things about you early on. 1.) You can overlook the fact that my children are wild. 2.) You possibly have children that are in fact as wild as mine so you are used to it. 3.) You are a very good liar. I don’t condone lying… except in this case. In fact, I actually condone it in other cases too… like when you tell me I do not smell like throw up after I was just puked on.
Invest time in the new friendship.
It’s not always easy to nurture a new friendship, especially with children. I often times find it easier to just let a new friendship sizzle than put time into it. As moms we need other mom friends, they are an important part of our sanity.
Be up front.
Be honest from the beginning with your new mom friend. If you are bad about scheduling a play date, afraid of going out with all children by yourself, or even bad about canceling plans, tell her. Other mom friends can understand your busy schedule and last minute cancellations due to a sick baby. We are all in this together!
Now that you have a few tips on how to break the ice with a new friend, and how to keep the friendship going, get out there and scope out your neighborhood for moving trucks. Don’t forget to keep your phone handy so you can enter her number before she gets away. 😉
Nikki is a stay at home mom to three high spirited boys. Three years ago she became a motherless daughter after losing her own mom to terminal brain cancer. When she is not playing the role of referee for the boys, she spends her days trying to encourage and inspire others that are on the grief journey.